Synopsis "An Open Passage to Truant Fathers"
I don't want to do a typical summary. I can't even count how many times I've tried, deleted, and tried again. So I'll just summarize it myself. As me. No matter how messy.Every one of my books has been personal, but this one is by far the most personal.I have built my life around love, and have always questioned what that really meant. I've always wanted to define it. We can look towards the color wheel theory, or religious love, or whatever we were taught when we were younger...Taught.Teaching love is an important subject in this book.Five male figures have really helped me to define what love is by teaching me.These figures are A, B, Scream, my brother, and my father. They all taught me in very different ways. Starting with my father. He and my mother were the perfect example of idyll love. I always saw them as the closest thing to a "true love," despite never believing in that ideal. He and my other family members obviously taught me familial love. Especially my brother, who I was closest to growing up. My brother also taught me about romantic love through advice and answers to all of the questions I had as a little girl. Scream was the first boy I ever fell in love with, and if you know me you know that did not end well. Scream and I had a sexually abusive and emotionally manipulative relationship. My love with him was toxic. After this, it seemed like my father and brother would never see me the same again, and I felt like I lost my love with all three of them. B came after Scream, and helped me to grow from that trauma and learn to love again.Towards the end of my relationship with B, my father seemingly had an affair. When that happened, I hit a new low. The lowest I'd been since Scream. I began to question everything I'd ever been taught about life and love, and I became hopeless. I found no purpose in living. On bedrest, I started writing this book. All of this questioning lead me to the conclusion that I wasn't happy. And I wasn't in love with B anymore, but that he just reminded me of what I thought love was as a child. So I looked to someone who I had felt something unfamiliar with, that I didn't understand. A. He helped me grow strong enough to define love myself, without someone teaching me. And through my strength, I was able to learn what love was.This is how I learned to love life again.
